"My Ex Won't Let Me See My Kids!"

Not all child custody arrangements work out the way we want them to. Visitation hours are too rigid, we don’t see our kids enough, rescheduling becomes a laborious chore… But even these frustrations become minor annoyances in the nightmarish light of a stubborn ex-spouse.

An uncooperative ex can spell heartbreak for even the most determined parent. You arrive to pick up the kids and your ex isn’t home. You arrange to drive your son to his soccer game and your once-spouse has packed him off in a neighborhood carpool. You call to wish your daughter a Happy Birthday, and your ex slams the phone into the receiver.  

The court has granted you visitation rights under child custody laws, and your ex-wife or ex-husband has done everything in their power to violate them. And all you want to do is see your kids.

 

When Your Ex Won’t Cooperate

Difficult exes are one thing, but an ex who denies your child visitation rights is on the fast path to becoming a criminal. No matter what state you’re in, where you’re living, or how far away your spouse is living, you are guaranteed the visitation rights that were granted to you by the court. 

Unfortunately, the enforcement of those rights isn’t as simple as placing a phone call, and a bull-headed ex can make your life a living hell. In this case, your strongest option is sheer determination. If you want to make a case that holds up in court, you’re going to need to make the following a regular routine:

• REGISTER your Visitation Order with the State you live in, especially if it is not the state that issued the order.
• DOCUMENT all instances in which your ex violates your Visitation Order with the police, and keep copies of your police reports on hand.
• FILE collected police reports with the court and ask for a Contempt Violation, then repeat your previous documentation if your ex continues to give you trouble.

Once you have one or more Contempt Violations issued against your ex, you can ask the court to rule for modified custody or, in the case of repeated violations, to rule against your ex as an unfit parent. Either way, the court is very likely to rule in your favor and may even grant you primary custody. In some cases, parents have also been successful in suing an ex for withholding child visitation.

Talking To Your Ex About Child Custody Laws

If you feel like your ex might be responsive to a civil conversation, you can also discuss with them the legal implications of their continued Visitation Order violations. Some individuals don’t realize that their actions are criminal, and that they are putting themselves at risk of losing their own custody.

However, you should also be careful to avoid threatening your ex-spouse, especially if you are afraid that they might flee the State. While it is illegal for them to move without first consulting the court (and such an action is a felony in 38 states!), the reality of the situation is that it can be difficult to track an ex who has fled the State. As such, it is always best to try to keep a civil relationship with your ex—even if they’re the one acting like a child.

Find a Child Visitation Rights Lawyer

For up-to-date and accurate information on child custody and visitation laws, please visit the LegalMatch Law Library. Access is open to everyone.

You may also use our free legal matching tool to find a family law lawyer in your area.

Comments

[Justin Grey]

It seems the only victims people seem to care about are the women. There's another side. I've been trying for 3 months to see my baby girl and every time my ex gives me an excuse as to why she can't make it. I feel bad for the women who can't see their children, but you aren't the only ones. It would be nice if women decided to treat their children's fathers with the same respect they demand.

[momhurting]

I totally understand in the beginning he accused me of abandonment then told me I couldnt see or talk to my girls 3 and 5 until I signed his papers. I was a stay at home mom and just went to visit my family so I had no money and dying to talk to my girls he first got me on default using the same thing if I responded i would never see or talk to my girls so I signed parenting plan as he promised I could see them whenever I wanted and if they ever wanted to live with me. eventually he got remarried and she was not nice to girls so the 3rd summer I didnt give them back and he told them they could stay with me I allowed him to see them whenever he wanted and call whenever then 1year later he files a parenting time violation on me and the judge reprimands me and makes me give them to him and my youngest had never been to his new home over 300 miles from their original address.. when he had them if it didnt state exactly they were to b with me I would go 3 months at a time without seeing or talking to them now they cry and want me to go get them and I dont know what to do. Im not on drugs i don't abuse them what can I do

[christine]

i know exactly what your going through. it broke my heart when at the trial of our divorce the judge awarded custody of 3 of 4 children to my ex husband not because he wanted to but because he could provide for tem . something i couldnt do. but the judge awarded visitaion that i get all the kids the first 3 weekend out of the month and he gets to see my oldest daughter the last weekend of the month. better than nothing i guess. no child support was awarded either way. but of course after my first visit after the ruling and all was final when i picked up the kids he called that weekend alone over 120 times and texted me over 80 with nothing nice to say then called the police for a well being check. after all that when i broght them home on sunday he was mad cause our oldest daughter told him she wanted nothing to do with him she is 15 and i guess she has thet choice. so he called dcfs and filed child abuse charges. i took 2 weeks to go through that and it was found being harrasment and untrue.during that he moved my kids to columbia mo to his sisters house. so now i really couldnt see them i finally got her number and was able to call but by now they are all mad cause i let them move. i havent seen them no in almost a year except i showed up with xmas presant at there grandpas house and he wqasnt even gonna let them have the gifts except they were crying. i know hear that he is sending my other daughter to germany with his grandfather which she is only 12 and i dont know what he is planninng on doing with the boys but i am very scared for them and i dont know what to do i want my kids back or to see or talk to them. some one please help me. i dont have anymore money for a lawyer i already owe 12500.00 from the divorce.

[Brian]

Sorry you are going through that Abreton1975, my soon to be ex is making my life hell too. As you stated she is punishing me for leaving as well. Haven't seen my daughter for 3 weeks, can't even fathom 2 years! She tells me my daughter misses me and even cries yet when I ask to see her she says she is protecting her from getting hurt too! I love my daughter very much, she is not even 2. How can a mother be so selfish?

[Abreton1975]

This is a situation I have been enduring for very close to 2yrs now. I have repeatedly tried to call my ex-wife to speak with my son, to no avail, except for once when I was allowed to speak with him briefly in feb 09 at which point the call was abruptly terminated in mid sentence from her end. I have sent two registered mail letters imploring her to comply and one to her parents, also registered mail. My mother, my sons granny, has tried the same to no avail also. Registered mail and and calls to her family have given no results. I always include my two numbers and e-mail address and home address in all messages and letters. I have contacted a lawyer who is more than willing to take the case on as he states she is "giving me the run-around". My problem here is I simply cannot fathom why she is doing this to my son who has clearly stated he wants to see me and misses me. I fear that by now he is being programmed past the point of no return to a suitable relationship with me as I have had no contact in the past year and 10 months. I am at the end of my rope with this situation and am scared that if I continue to try to talk to my son I will have charges put against me for harassment. I stop phoning months ago and the last letter stated my desire for mediation. No response so I am now at the mercy of a justice system that I feel is biased. I am very fearful for the future of my relationship with my son and his future as well by not having me in his life as a role model. I am a loving father who has had his problems like anyone else but seems to be paying a high price for having left my ex-wife. What else can I do in this situation that I haven't already done. That for letting me get some of this off my chest.

A father who misses his son dearly.